Feels like I’m super busy and super tired, though all I’m doing is growing my son, bouncing back and forth between doctors and their stupid documents, cooking the occasional meal, and watching stupid movies…. there are storms of tropical proportions in my heart and mind, and it takes heaps of energy to try to keep up at least a semblance of sanity.
These tropical lights are difficult. Harsh and unforgiving during the day, no escape, but you still want to capture those moments dear to your heart. Giving you that golden hour at dusk, when you wish your entire being was a huge camera, able to absorb and reflect back all those lights. Stunning you out of your senses when the clouds roll in.
I don’t know why my destructive, overwhelming, unbearable attraction to the dramatic and over-the-top. Places, colours, people, experiences. Even to me, it does not seem to follow naturally from my personality. Still a mystery. But it is what it is. My life blown to pieces, my heart still yearning for those glimmering lights and colours that make me feel alive.
It’s gonna be fine, but being stuck this way, halfway, between two lives, just waiting… it’s sometimes more than I can take….