Category Archives: Hungary

Spring explosion

Never really had the patience, all over these months, to take photos properly. Just a few minutes of playing around with snapshots, then lost interest. Even now, can’t really be bothered to choose the very best. But anyway, it took me by surprise, all over again, how quickly everything grows and changes and develops here. Everything is in constant turmoil and perpetual transformation. Forget the papayas that take over half a year to ripen, the flowers that keep blooming for weeks and weeks, the fruits whose seasons last half a year. Here, it is all out for a day, or a week, and then all gone, on to the next flower, the next fruit. Constantly in a hurry, constantly kind of “mourning” the loss of something that won’t come back for another year. It’s a very different state of mind. Very difficult for me to try to adjust. Feels like I’m losing something every single second, there is no time to get used to or get bored of anything, need to grab every moment to admire and exploit and gobble it up, before it is gone, before it is too late. I don’t even know what my favourite fruit is, never had the chance to find out, I just always devour the one that happens to be available this week. Over in Thailand, I did manage to figure out that it is mangoes and grapes. Because I had the time to figure it out….

In any case, I still did have the state of mind to contemplate how on earth it is possible that tiny seeds grow into giant plants, and they know exactly what to do and what shape of leaves to grow and when it is time to develop flowers and what kind of fruits those will transform into. I did advanced biology all right, and I know the theory, but I still have no idea how it is really possible at all in real life.

And of course, it also applies to my son, how can two people whose lives and personalities barely intersect still create something nearly perfect out of two single cells? It still baffles me. Completely.

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May in the garden

Nope, I haven’t been entangled into a time warp, unfortunately; these photos date back to my first spring with my first ever digital camera. All of them were taken in our garden. At the moment, in real time, it’s just the first shoots, buds and leaves, and a carpet of violets, which is pretty but doesn’t really translate to a photo, so I really wanted to remind myself what is still coming.

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Last fall

These photos remind me of a life I wanted to have, but wasn’t meant to. It’s been almost ten years, but sometimes I still remember and sometimes it still hurts. I went for this walk every day. I miss the colours, now that I look and think about it. It was the best autumn ever. Actually, the only sunny, bright, warm autumn I remember at all. And I needed it badly. 

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I remembered it wrong, it’s not the same leaf, but I was trying. But almost.

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I paid so much for every little morsel of a happy moment. And it is the same always, over and over again. The only difference now is that I can actually keep breathing and I can work and I can sort of live. Because I have to. At that time, that walk, and these photos, and a few motions to go through, took up all the energy I had.